Questions and Coffee
by The Sand Alchemist
Summary: Random funny moments with Gaara and friends. Some before shippuden others during. My Ocs are present from Fullmetal wolf...which will be renamed and redone so i have to think of a name...Well read and review!
1. Chapter 1

1. Coffee (dramatic music plays)

"Gaara…" Naruto shook Gaara who was asleep on his desk. 'He's actually asleep….but of course it's the day I visit him….' They he thought about it. "Oh I know!' Naruto quickly sped out of the office and went to the lounge where he poured some tea. But it wasn't tea. The idiot poured black expresso coffee instead…but as usual he didn't notice. He ran back into the office to see Gaara waking up. He grabbed him and poured the hot liquid down his friends throat…almost choking him.

"Naruto! What the hell?!" Gaara said calmly.

"You were asleep…I came to visit and well I didn't know if you were going to wake up by tomorrow or not…so I gave you tea…" Naruto said smiling his genuine smile that showed how much of a knucklehead he was.

"Naruto…" Gaara began clearly showing he was annoyed. "That wasn't tea…its was coffee!" Gaara said standing up. Temari and Kankuro walked in at that point.

"Yo little bro! Whats up?!" Kankuro walks in with a grin plastered on his face. Temari hit him.

"He's Kazekage! Don't call him that when your in his office idiot!" she said knocking him on the head. Temari looked at the cup on Gaara's desk. "Gaara…what did he give you?"

"Coffee."

"What kind of coffee?" She asked curious.

"I'm not sure…" He looked at the cup. She walked over and took it smelling it.

'Expresso…' She got a worried look on her face now. She turned to Kankuro. "Kankuro…it…it's expresso…" Kankuro's eyed widened. He looked at Naruto who was confused.

"You ultimate idiot…giving him expresso is the worst thing you could possibly do!"

"Eh?" Naruto said tilting his head in confusion. Just then he turned to Gaara who started twitching. Then it dawned on him. "Oh Shit."

"Yah…Oh shit is right!" Kankuro said getting up. "Nee-chan…how bout we let Naruto take care of Gaara right now?" Temari looked at him.

"Sure!" She said walking out with him at a fast pace. "Good luck!" She said before slamming the door. Hammers and nail guns could be heard from outside. Naruto sweat dropped.

"It can't be that bad….can it?" Naruto said turning to Gaara whose eye was twitching and leg was twitching. "Maybe it is…Gaara?" Gaara turned his head abruptly staring him dead in the eye with a look of pure insanity. "…Shit!" Naruto ran for the door but was stopped by a wall of sand. "Now Gaara…let's uh be rational about this…"

"R-Rational…w-why d-do y-you say r-r-r-r-rational?" Gaara asked stuttering more that Hinata would. Gaara walked over to Naruto…well more like step twitch step twitch…but it could be considered walking. Then it happened. "Did you ever wonder why we have air? Why am I so hated? Is Kankuro as stupid as he looks? Why are you backing up Naruto? Can I have a hug? I like pie…do you like pie? Cake is good but I don't like it when Temari makes it…do you eat cake? Do you know how to dance? Can you make ramen? I want my teddy…do you have one? Naruto get back here…why are you trying to break down the door? Naruto…what's it like to fall in love? Kankuro gave me the talk but I didn't get it…could you explain it? Naruto the windows are locked get back here…why are you trying to cut your throat? Why is the sun so bright? Why is Sai gay? Is Sai gay? I want a girlfriend…do you have one? Where's my gourd? Would you like to dance? Can you teach me to dance? Naruto why are trying to hang yourself? Where is Temari and Kankuro? Did you ever ask Sakura out? Hinata? Should I ask out Matsuri? Is Jiriyia as perverted as he looks? Do you know who your dad is? How old is Kyuubi? Did you like Sasuke? Are you bi? Are you bored? Can I have more coffee? Naruto why are you forming more hand signs?"

**5 long hours later**

Sounds can be heard form outside as Kankuro and Temari decide to open the door. The remove the last nail and walk in. "Gaara?" Temari asks. She looks around and finds him hanging up side down on his couch zoned out. "Hi Gaara…feeling better?"

"What happened?" Gaara asked opening his eyes looking zoned out.

"You had coffee with expresso…" Kankuro said coming in.

"Oh…" Gaara looked guilty. He got up and walked over to his desk to look at papers.

"Ummm…where's Naruto-kun?" Temari said looking around for him. She walked behind the desk and found him. He was curled up in a ball under the desk.

"…questions…so…many questions…." Naruto said staying like that rocking back and forth. Kankuro felt bad for him and picked him up and took him out the room.

"You left him in here…with me…when I was like that?" Gaara said staring at his sister.

"Ummm yeah…." She said

"Why?"

"Cause it looked fun!" She said walking out leaving him to finish his work.

"Fun…hmmm…maybe I should have coffee more often." Gaara said to himself. He looked at the cup and picked it up. "There's still some left…" He got a devilish look in his eye. He took it with him and left the office. He walked home and found Naruto on his bed still in a ball. He whispered something in his ear that caused the blonde to perk up. He pulled out two cups full of coffee. They hid under Kankuro's bed, waited till he was asleep and drank the cups. Poor Kankuro.

END welll hope that was funny…review dattebayo!


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

"Grumpy."

"Idiot."

"Evil."

"Short."

"…Short…ER!"

"I'm taller…"

"No."

"Yes."

"Nope."

"Do you understand I'm trying to get work done?"

"Yes...yes I do."

"...So that doesn't make you think I should stop."

"Hmmm...no."

"Someone please kill me." He mumbled to himself.

"I can kill you eighteen different ways with this paper clip." She said holding up a small paperclip with a grin.

"Does someone up there really hate me this much?" Kankuro grumbled as he watched Akina and Gaara argue. Again. It began with a normal day of signing papers then she walked in and all hell broke loose. Temari walked in. She looked at the two who bickered. Then at Kankuro. Kankuro pleaded for help. Temari came over to him.

"I have an idea."

"Hmm?" He listened trying to tune them out as he helped his brother with paper work that he was also doing miraculously as they argued.

"Espresso."

"Oh…You're an insane woman and I'm proud to be your brother." He said getting up and grabbing a cup of expresso. He handed it to Gaara remembering what happened when Naruto did this locking him in the room with said Kazekage high off sugar. Gaara took it and drank without noticing.

"OK..." He said ifnishing it and putting it down. "Prove it."

"I'm not going to come over to you and attack...your sand will get in the way and somebody ends up hitting the ground at the end everytime...Kankuro! Can I kill you eighteen different ways with this paper clip?"

No answer.

"Kankuro?...Gaara why is Kankuro gone and why are you twitch...ah fucklesticks!" Akina said watching him twitch uncontrollably. She heard the door being locked…blocked…chained…wood covered. She slowly backed away. Sand shot up and held her in place. She gulped. This had happened once before.

"Akina…Did I ever tell you about the thing with squirrels is weird? Oh hey look Kankuro and Temari! Why are they running? Did you ever wonder about the moon? I have. Why are you trying to kill yourself with a paperclip? Something about a trap? Killing Knakuro with a paperclip? HANG ON KANKY I"M COMIN'!" He yelled. The sugar was taking over his body as he raced off after Kankuro to 'save him.' Akina stood there as he jumped out the window and ran after them.

"Way number nineteen to kill people with a paperclip..." She said sitting down watching the show from the now Gaara shaped hole in the window. "Give Gaara sugar and mention his brother being killed by a paperclip...works everytime..." She said smiling as she took a sip of tea.


	3. Chapter 3

So this chapter I decided to do something different. The idea was sparked by a reviewer. **Dangerousnightfires **to be exact. She's an amazing author so go read Kunoichi JinchuurikiIt's a great fic! Anyway behold my next part of this fic!

The Dare

"OK I-" Akina began.

"Do we really have to do this?"

"Yes Gaa-chan we do." Gaara twitched in annoyance at the nickname from hell. Akina sat in her living room with a few of her friends and Naruto.

"Gaa-chan?" Naruto said rising an eyebrow.

"Oh shut up."

"I think his man pride just went boom." Wakana said. Akina chuckled. Naruto laughed. Gaara glared.

"Anyway. Akina you already dared someone….I want to dare Gaa-chan!" Wakana said grinning a devilish grin. Akina leaned over to him.

"You're screwed." She whispered but Wakana heard it. She leaned over to Gaara.

"That's what she said."

"I love this chick!" Kankuro yelled after he heard that and after watching his brother light up a cherry. "Are you single?" He asked randomly. Akina sweat dropped. Temari went to hit him upon the head with the almighty fan of doom. Well that's what Kankuro calls it.

"Sorry I'm not and I don't do cats." Temari dropped her fan and buckled over in laughter. Gaara choked on the piece of dango he was eating. Akina burst out laughing. Kankuro sat in a corner depressed.

"Ok Ok back to the truth or dares." Akina said. "Wakana you had a death wish- I mean dare for Gaara." It was true. Knowing Wakana she would dare him to do something completely humiliating or ask him something completely personal.

"…Truth…or…-"

"Dare cause last time I said truth you asked about our sex life…I am not falling for that again."

"Smart guy."

"I dare you to…" She looked around the room. Her eyes settled on the maple syrup bottles Akina just bought. "Drink every single maple syrup bottle that's on that counter."

Everyone's eyes shot open. Rule were rules. And boy did Wakana have a death wish now. They prayed he would switch back to truth.

"Fine."

And that also went boom. Gaara moved to the bottles and chugged every single one. Three bottles.

"Too easy…hmmm…" She looked around and noticed that everyone was gone except for her and Akina and Gaara.

"Where did they go?" She asked. Akina walked over and gave her a paperclip. Wakana looked confused.

"Your on your own neechan." Akina said walking out of the room and closing the door.

"Are we playing seven minutes in heaven with your boyfriend now? Wow I didn't expect you to be okay with that and why is he twitching…"


	4. Chapter 4

Ahaha so I know that this group of stories is supposed to concern the fact that Gaara + Sugar is a very deadly combo and telling practically the same story over and over is…boring…so instead the rest are just going to be humorous moments.

Chapter 4

The following takes place before Gaara becomes Kazekage and so therefore before Naruto becomes Hokage.

"Gaara ready to swim?" Naruto said throwing his hands in the air. Gaara had a bad feeling. He was never a good swimmer. Walking on water sure…swimming…yeah I think a raccoon could do better…

"…Naruto I really don't think this is a goo-" He was cut off midsentence by Naruto pushing him over the cliff into the lake. The water was freezing. But what could one expect in March? Gaara lost his breath from the sheer cold. Unfortunatley Naaruto had to pick the deepest part of the lake. Gaara shot back up quickly for air.

"I hate-"

"Cannon ball!" Naruto yelled jumping off. Along with about a hundred clones. Gaara was covered by a wave of water sending him under again. It was even colder the second time. He came back a few seconds later.

"You…"

" Love you too!"

"Oh shut up." Gaara snapped. He was freezing. Naruto grinned. Gaara dog paddled off towards the shallow side.

"Gaara wait!" Naruto called.

"No! I'm staying in the shallow end." He said paddeling to the middle of the lake.

"Gaara!" Naruto called again.

"What?" He snapped. Turning to look at Naruto he saw terror on his face. Naruto pointed behind him. Gaara turned around ready to see what had the blonde looking like that. Gaara's eyes widened. Before him stood (floated?) a giant snapping turtle. It was bigger than both of them and Chouji combined.

"Naruto…this is why I hate you." Gaara said calmly before summoning his sand to block the turtle that started to make its way towards him. Naruto swam over to Gaara who was by the beach already.

"I wonder why there are snapping turtles in snapping turtle lake?" Naruto said to himself but it was loud enough for Gaara to hear. Gaara twitched.

"Now I know where they got the whole having a blonde moment thing from…" Gaara mumbled. Suddenly just as Gaara got onto the beach and called back his sand with his back turned to the turtle. A smaller one came up behind him, about up to his waist, and snapped at him catching his swim trunks. This ended with them being ripped off by said turtle. And what perfect timing Sakura and Temari had that day.


End file.
